Shea was at peace, spending quiet time with the father and reading Proverbs to herself. Pray, read,and mediate was her daily morning routine for the summer and she was proud of herself for sticking to it this long. Nothing could come between this peace she had with herself and God. Except.... her phone went off with a text from Ex, Josh saying "Hey." Full of confusion, Shea asked herself how the heck did his number get through her blocked numbers list. Being polite yet reluctant about what Josh wanted to say she answered him with a nice "Hello." "Well hate to say you're right but...she (Adriana) broke up with me." Wait, what? Shea thought to herself with eyes and mouth opened wide enough for a fly to jump in. Shea quickly replied to Josh asking him what happened. Shea couldn't believe what she had just read but she wasn't surprised. You see, Josh cheated on Shea with Adriana (the other woman), who he claimed he was so happy and in love with that he kept both Shea and Adriana as a secret from one another. Over the course of the months after they broke up, Shea had learned a lot about herself,good and bad relationships and God. She had accepted the fact that God closed that door (Josh) to help her move on to something better and live the life he always wanted for her. Shea was stronger, more mature, and wiser than she was at the time of their break up. But the memories of how Josh broke her heart without notice and laughed in her face with his new girlfriend like she was nothing still pondered in her brain. As the conversation with Josh went on, Shea tried her everything to not let her emotions get to her. All the bitterness and anger thoughts she had bottled up inside her poured out on her Imessage and was sent to Josh with no return. As usual, Josh denied everything Shea said and changed the conversation to something more irrelevant. Feeling guilty, Shea apologized to Josh for her little rant and asked for his forgiveness.
The problem with Shea was she was still not healed from her break up with Josh. Even though their relationship was no more, Shea was still hurting like the day Josh left her. Josh was winning in bringing out the weak and naive little girl Shea used to be. Not wanting to be the mean one, Shea had previously blocked and unblocked Josh's number because she thought that banning his number was making her look angry and hurt. But every time Josh thought that he could pry his way back into her life, with every text he opened up the scathed wound that Shea was still trying to heal. The question if she and Josh could reconcile and start over as friends did come across her mind sometimes. But truth is Shea had no reason to let Josh back into her life and deny her feelings so that her ex could feel comfortable and hurt her again.
I'm not writing this to tell you a story about my failed high school/early college relationship for your entertainment. But to show you an example of why us women need to stop being so apologetic for our feelings. I saw a commercial on YouTube the other day showing women in the workplace apologizing for asking a simple question. Saying "I'm sorry" for something that was never their fault. Then at the end of the ad it asked "what are we apologizing for" or a question similar to that? Josh leaving Shea was never her fault because he made that decision on his own. Shea had every right to get angry and remind Josh about everything he did to make her feel so broken. What I am trying to say is that we're in charge of our own happiness and our own thoughts. Who we want and do not want in our life is up to us. We can't stop people from leaving us, but we are welcomed to shut the door and lock it up and move on. If someone is bringing more hurt than help in your life let them go and throw away the key for good. Yes, some people change and a few years from now the memory of the pain they brought into our lives will lessen a little.But when you think back about what if you had let that certain person stay and continue to make the same mistakes, or did you get the chance to learn from the lesson and make wiser decisions. Some people are blessings, and some people are lessons learned. But you don't have to go back and learn the same lesson again. Truth is some people are ashamed to admit that what they are doing is wrong. Stop waiting for that half-hearted "sorry", because trust me it's not coming! Block their number, unfriend or unfollow their page, do whatever you have to do to get that person to that person out of your sight and mind. No, you're not being selfish or unforgiving! You're protecting your heart from being use to the same pain again. I hope that this post helped someone and brought some insight.
Peace & Harmony,
Shay
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